Mary Kay Ladies: The Sweetheart Stalkers

EDITOR'S NOTE: There seems to be some confusion as to why Mary Kay ladies stalk me. To clarify, it is not because they are trying to get me to buy their product, they are constantly hounding me to become one of them, a member of their cult, so to speak.

They are everywhere. They see everyone. They are unfortunately, Omnipresent. This is an Ode to their pursuit.

Oh crafty pink ones, why is it that you so often seek me out? I see you and attempt to dash your advances but somehow your proclamation of my glorification, the magic to my ears, stuns me, and I desist to your pursuit for a moment. What have I done to deserve your high praises? Is it my subtly highlighted hair, my fashionable Gucci eyewear, my designer totes? Alas, your spell prematurely wears off of me, whinst I realize your disguise.

I feel blessed for having your love bestowed upon me, however I fret, my love for you is unrequited. I daresay your cheery optimism and cult-like mentality leave me feeling nothing but distain for you. Fear not, oh goddesses of make-up, the curators of pink, your love shall be returned, many times over I foresee, by those who have the striving ambition to one day drive a pink Cadillac.

Thought of the day: Shoes

How is it possible that within a week both pairs of my Isaac Mizrahi shoes broke? What did I do to deserve this? The karma gods must want to punish me after seeing that I was a bad girl on Friday I threw a drink at some dancing nerds wearing tapered jeans, oh no wait, that wasn't me, that was Jenna...

Looking Chicago's Triple Threat

To be a true Triple treat you must:

• Walk around with an arrogance about you, carrying an (obviously to all) fake LV purse.
  
• Wear tennis shoes everyday when going to work even if you so happen to be wearing a skirt and nylons that day.
  
• Wear a suit which is not the standard black, white, grey or blue, particularly those which also have shoulder pads and/or are flourescent in color.
  

If you see this woman (more than likely she will be in the Loop, Monday-Friday, between the hours of 8am-5pm) don't scream and run away from her hideous deformities, please contact the fashion police, aka the "Sugar Crew" as we need to do her as well as society the favor and get her the help she so very much needs. Stop the insanity, make the world a prettier place to live in!

Thought of the day: On Natural Selection

Natural Selection, because it's natural