Mary Kay Ladies: The Sweetheart Stalkers

EDITOR'S NOTE: There seems to be some confusion as to why Mary Kay ladies stalk me. To clarify, it is not because they are trying to get me to buy their product, they are constantly hounding me to become one of them, a member of their cult, so to speak.

They are everywhere. They see everyone. They are unfortunately, Omnipresent. This is an Ode to their pursuit.

Oh crafty pink ones, why is it that you so often seek me out? I see you and attempt to dash your advances but somehow your proclamation of my glorification, the magic to my ears, stuns me, and I desist to your pursuit for a moment. What have I done to deserve your high praises? Is it my subtly highlighted hair, my fashionable Gucci eyewear, my designer totes? Alas, your spell prematurely wears off of me, whinst I realize your disguise.

I feel blessed for having your love bestowed upon me, however I fret, my love for you is unrequited. I daresay your cheery optimism and cult-like mentality leave me feeling nothing but distain for you. Fear not, oh goddesses of make-up, the curators of pink, your love shall be returned, many times over I foresee, by those who have the striving ambition to one day drive a pink Cadillac.