The Ph.D. of Dating: a theory on relationship prepping

Why is it that I feel that my role in the dating world is to be the Ph.D. program? Not that there is anything wrong with a Ph.D. program, but I feel like I am constantly preening my men from diamonds in the rough to perfection and then because I did all the hard work, all these other girls see what a stud he has become, once he and I are through. Without me, mister, you wouldn't be dating such hot babes. I feel honored to have had so many pupils (some being worthy, some being the product of a drunken bender that lasted too many months), but seriously where is my perfection? I know there are other girls out there who run such distinguished academies that would be parallel with mine....

The University of Michelle: a brochure

Welcome to the Ph.D. relationship program at the University of Michelle. We offer best the Ph.D. dating program in the nation (occording to a recent review in Newsweek) and because of our superiour classes offered, are considered to be the best preparation that money can buy in order to become a sauve expert in the world of relationships. With locations in Sauk Prairie, Madison, and Chicago, we feel that our many locations are our greatest assest and therefore are able to mold the minds of qualified lucky young men from Southern Wisconsin and Northern Illinois. Many suitors have enrolled over the years and have gone on to do great things after their graduation from the academy. Those that have passed their tests with flying colors, after much vigorious one-on-one instruction, to this day are able to utilize their education and now are all currently in serious relationships that will more than likely lead to marriage.

We fret to inform prospective students that, as the economy is lulling, the standard charge (drinks, dinner, jewelry, and absolute adoration) while the pupil is enrolled, is no longer economically feasible. Instead, now included with the initial enrollment, a stipulation of sorts shall also require that once the pupil graduates and is hired as an expert in relationships, the employer shall be forced to enter an ex-employee of hers into our gracious trade-in program, or, if no such qualified man exists in the case, the current employer must have (The Unversity of Michelle) ex pupil sent flowers regularly, indefinitely, until The University of Michelle finds her own expert.